This article was inspired by content originally published on 94.5 PST
Introduction
In the pizza world, few words hit harder than “average.” Yet that’s exactly how Barstool Sports’ Dave Portnoy recently described a New Jersey pizzeria’s slice in his latest viral One Bite review. He called it “generic,” “predictable,” and “decent.” For some shops, that might sound like a death knell but for the wider pizza community, it’s a conversation starter about the underrated power of a dependable, classic pie.
The Slice That Sparked the Debate
Portnoy’s visit to yet another Jersey pizza spot didn’t produce fireworks no sky-high score, no scathing takedown. Instead, it raised a compelling question for enthusiasts, shop owners, and suppliers alike: is it better to chase “artisan” status, or should we celebrate the humble, consistent slice that generations have grown up on?
According to hypothetical pizza historian Tony Gemignani, “Generic doesn’t have to be an insult. The neighborhood slice joint that does a classic cheese pizza well is the backbone of America’s pizza identity.”
The Secret to Classic Pizza Night
Craving that nostalgic, New Jersey boardwalk slice at home? Here’s how to keep it “average” in the best possible way consistent, tasty, and no-fuss:
Use the Right Flour: Many iconic shops use high-gluten flour for that perfect chew. Try a bag of Caputo Americana flour it’s designed for New York and Jersey-style pies.
Stone or Steel? Invest in a baking steel or cordierite pizza stone to mimic a pizzeria’s deck oven in your own kitchen. This helps you nail that crisp-yet-foldable crust every time.
Pizza Pro Tip: Skip the cheap cutter. Use a sharp, sturdy commercial-grade pizza wheel to get clean slices and avoid dragging toppings off.
Remember: a simple, well-made pie can beat an overly complicated one every single time.
Don’t Fear “Generic” Brand It!
If Portnoy’s review has you sweating, take heart: you can turn “average” into “iconic” by owning your slice shop’s story.
Play Up Your Heritage: Share what makes your pies part of local tradition. Display old photos, customer stories, or that 50-year-old dough recipe on your walls and online.
Stay Consistent: Regulars return for the same experience. This is where equipment matters invest in a reliable commercial deck oven or high-volume dough mixerthat keeps every pie consistent, even during weekend rushes.
Experiment Smartly: Introduce a signature twist a family topping combo or a once-a-week Grandma slice to stand out just enough. Manage limited runs with an efficient POS system or digital ordering tool
Embrace the Classic Slice
Behind every “generic” slice is a steady supply chain keeping cheese blends, sauce, and dough ingredients consistent and affordable. That’s a reliable revenue stream for bulk suppliers.
But there’s still room for upselling value:
• Offer premium cheese upgrades or locally sourced produce for shops ready to test “artisan twists.”
• Provide kitchen efficiency solutions think energy-efficient pizza ovens and automated dough sheeters that help old-school shops keep up with modern volume.
Plus, now is the time to share market data. Why not help shops understand trends like gluten-free crust demand or seasonal topping shifts? Download a 2025 Pizza Industry Report to stay ahead.
A Bigger Lesson for the Pizza World
Dave Portnoy’s bite-sized reviews often spark strong reactions but here’s what we shouldn’t forget: for millions of pizza fans, “predictable” means dependable, nostalgic, and beloved.
And in an industry defined by family recipes and Friday night traditions, being “average” in the best possible sense can be the ultimate compliment.
Affiliate Disclosure: This article was inspired by content originally published on 94.5 PST. This article contains affiliate links, which means we may earn a commission if you purchase them.